Wittkopf Putin Talks: How Orcs See the Negotiations

December 4, 2025December 4, 2025

The Swamps* already have a reaction regarding the Wittkopf Putin Talks, and overall it turned out quite symptomatic. We gathered data from some russian propaganda sources we track as certain trend indicators, as well as information from some enemy Telegram channels. We selected the most revealing ones, but first let’s talk about what wasn’t there.

There was no enthusiasm. On the Swamps, there’s a favorite sport called “lick Pootin’s ass” — when they tell stories about how pootin bent everyone over, but this time not a single athlete came to the starting line. Those who have strong nerves and won’t vomit while watching russian propaganda could observe yesterday’s events unfold and probably noticed that initially everything developed according to the usual scenario.

The bald bastard, acting cheerful, came out to the press and made a series of nonsensical statements. Meanwhile, their propaganda told and showed how pootin’s daughter’s protégé, one Kirill Dmitriev, appointed chief negotiator instead of Lavrov, drives Wittkopf around moscow and leads them to a restaurant.

So they staged the beginning properly, and then came the talks themselves, which they don’t show to the public, but about which we have some rumors. And then — silence. And it’s not about Wittkopf having some crumpled and unshaven appearance when he returned.

The Missing Triumphant Finale

The most important thing — there was no pompous ending, which could have been of two types. First — that the Kremlin führer convinced his opponents of something. Second — that he smeared his opponents from a position of strength. The second option was always used to cover up talks that fell apart. But this time — neither one nor the other happened.

There were isolated remarks that somehow claim to be analytics, but in some justifying style that’s extremely rare there. Here’s a small quote from such a gloomy opus (quote):

The military convinces Vladimir putin that the Ukrainian front is just about to crack for sure, and this will allow capture DPR and Zaporizhzhia without any agreements or concessions on other issues. At the same time, there are other opinions in the army regarding this. But such theses definitely affect the negotiating positions of our side.

This quote is so revealing that there’s no point even commenting on it. The task of propaganda is to instill confidence in the public and tell them that everything was good, and now thanks to the führer’s efforts — it will be even better, but instead of brave marches or at least hymns, they produce this.

Propaganda’s Dog-Like Behavior

Let’s recall: the peak of standard reactions to such events happens the day after the event. But in this case, russian propaganda behaves like a dog that accidentally ate the owner’s shoe, or a cat that didn’t make it to the litter box. There’s the absolute minimum coverage of yesterday’s event that started so splendidly, and numerous analysts and experts demonstratively parked their tongues up their asses. They don’t even attempt to explain to the public what this was and how to understand it. Instead, they offer russians other topics designed to distract them from the unpleasant subject regarding the Wittkopf Putin Talks.

This is a long-known technique designed to shift the focus of public attention. Usually, when negotiations or another significant event threatens to turn into a failure, propagandists prepare some bright topic in advance as an insurance measure. If possible, they present it as a sweet pill, but in some special cases the news should stun the public so much that they won’t care about the main event anymore. But the trick here is that they didn’t even prepare such a topic in advance.

This indicates that either the Kremlin felt confident in the talks’ success, or those figures who should have arranged information cover have already gotten tired and approach their duties formally. The topics they offered russians indicate that nobody prepared a “killer” information pretext. And therefore they throw out some small-caliber topics, designed to divert the attention of certain population segments. The most revealing topics were about banning condoms and shutting down the internet. This is not a joke.

The Absurd Distraction

Here’s what a whole series of sources that simply should have been stomping on the negotiation theme from morning to evening are presenting today:

The internet in russia is planned to be almost completely shut down, leaving access only to white-listed resources, in April next year… Sources in the government confirmed… that harsh internet restrictions are planned for next spring. But exact dates aren’t being named yet.

And here’s another one:

For the sake of increasing birth rates, we must achieve a complete ban on condoms and all other contraceptives in russia. We won’t be able to do this immediately, so most likely there will be three stages.
First — introducing a tax on contraceptives, as a result of which they should become at least twice as expensive.
Second stage — sale of condoms and other contraceptives only with passports. And limiting these sales. As a result, for example, one person per month will be able to buy no more than four condoms.
Third, final stage — complete ban on contraceptives. We hope the Church will help with this, explain that any intimacy that doesn’t end with an attempt to conceive a child is a terrible sin for which there will be punishment.

These are the topics presented as main ones. Moreover, it doesn’t even occur to any russian that… If the führer’s parents had access to these means, maybe russians would be living in a different country. The desperate attempt to distract from the failed Wittkopf Putin talks with condom bans and internet shutdowns shows just how panicked the Kremlin propagandists actually are.

*Swamps – an ironic name for Russia, emphasizing decay, stagnation, and filth. The Commander of the USF, Robert Browdie, and most soldiers use this word.